I'M SO ALONE!!!
Something Archives
Update #68
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Update #67
Why do noses run and feet smell?
Update #66
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Update #65
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Update #64
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Update #63
The evening
news is when someone starts off
by telling you "Good evening",
then proceeding
to tell you why it isn't.
Update #62
That which does not kill me will-
WISH THEY HAD.
Update #60
Q: What's the difference between a mac and a bench?
A: A bench supports things!
Update #59
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
Update #58
My games don't have bugs! They just develope random features.
Update #53
I'M SO ALONE!!!
Update #52
"It is better to keep your mouth
shut and be thought stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
-Mark Reuter
Update #51
If Pro is the opposite of Con, what's the opposite of progress?
Update #49
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Update #44
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Iz a mowny tree
Update#41
You know that feeling when you can't remember somthing but you know it was improtant an-OMGwhyaretherescorpainsinmypants?!?!
Update #40
Your mom is sooo fat, when he got on a scale, the scale said, "TO BE CONTINUED".
Pw3nD!
Update #39
I'm not stupid! People say I may have 2 brains!
Yeah. One is lost and the other is out looking for it.
Update #36
"There is no pleasure in having
nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it."
- Mary Wilson Little
Update #35
Rearrange the following words to spell the following things!
Slot Machines: Cash Lost in'em
Conversation: Voices Rant On
Heavy Rain: Hire a Navy
Update #34
If you rearange the following words, you can spell the following things
The Country Side: No City Dust Here
Desperation: A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code: Here Come Dots
Update #33
nothing.
Update #32
If you rearange the following words, you can spell the following things
A Decimal Point: I'm a Dot in Place
Statue of Liberty: Built to Stay Free
Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one
Update #31
"It is better to keep your mouth
shut and be thought stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
-Mark Reuter
Update #30
Rearange the letters in the following words to spell the following things
Dormitory: Dirty Room
Schoolmaster: The classroom
Elvis: Lives
Update #29
Teacher: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
John: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
John: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
Update #28
Q. What does a cat like to watch on
TV?
A. Golf, because there are birdies.
Update #27
Actually heard
in court:
Judge: I know you, don't I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.
Update #26
If your computer says "Printer out of paper", this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the OK button.
Update #25
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.
Update #24
Click here to find out how to keep an idiot in suspense for a few minutes.
(Do NOT e-mail me about a broken link.)
Update #23
Q: Why don't blind people ever go sky-diving?
A: It scares the heck out of the dogs.
Update #22
PIT BULLDOG FOR SALE: Eats anything, loves children.
Update #20
What month has 28 days? All of them.
Update #19
Patient: It's been one month since
my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly
closed."
Update #17
Customer: My computer crashed!
Tech Support: It crashed?
Customer: Yeah, it won't let me play my game.
Tech Support: All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.
Customer: No, it didn't crash-- it crashed.
Tech Support: Huh?
Customer: I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship
and now it doesn't work.
Tech Support: Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'
Customer: [pause] Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?
Updtae #16
A blind man went into a department store one day and took his dog by the tail and started to swing him around in a circle. One of the clerks rushed up to him and asked, "Can I help you sir?" The man answered him saying, "Oh, no thank you...I'm just taking a look around."
Update 14
Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?
Because he was dead.
Update 13
Doctor: Hello is this Ghost #4587?
Ghost #4587: Yes, can I help you?
Doctor: I have some bad news and worse news.
Ghost #4587: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 1 day to live.
Ghost #4587: What could be worse then that?!
Doctor: I have been trying to contact you for the past 24 hours.
Update 12
You found a small key!
You can only use it in this dungon
But it's completely usless because my site doesn't have any locks! (highlight this!!!)
Or does it...
Update 11
zeeky boogie doo KABOOM!!!
Update 10
I am in shape
round is a shape
(thanks to garfield)
Update 9
In other news, Lucas flew up into the sky because hot air rises.